Dear Amy: I wonder if my brother “Stan” wrote me off because I’m not lending him money.
In 2015, both of our parents passed away, several months away.
Stan and I inherited $ 20,000. I paid my money in CDs. I don’t know what Stan did with his inheritance.
He’s always had a bad habit of asking his female cousins for cash loans and then never repaying them.
About a year after my parents passed away, Stan called me and asked if I would loan him $ 30,000. He never said what he wanted money for.
I told him my money is in certificates of deposit and I have to pay a fine to withdraw the money. (I had no intention of sending him the money, however, because it was too risky.)
He looked upset and ended the phone call.
Since then, Stan has never called me. Before that last call to ask for money, he’d call me about once a month. Now if I don’t call him, I’ll never hear from him.
I do my best to call him once or twice a year and he seems friendly enough, but I always try my best to keep in touch.
Do you think my brother has written me off because I am not lending him money?
– Sad sister
Dear Sad: What is in religion is this: it leads to shame, embarrassment, dislocation and alienation.
Being in debt is a spiritual, emotional, financial, and relational anvil, tied around the ankle and burdening a person.
I assure you, if you’ve loaned your brother $ 30,000, you’ll never see the money again and your brother won’t pick up the phone again. Thankfully, it didn’t become a part of his debt problem.
As it is, it still picks up the phone when it calls. So, keep calling.
He may have a major problem that interferes with his ability to communicate with you. All you have to do is do your part, which is to love and love him as much as you can. All you owe is to pick up the phone.
Dear Amy: My daughter’s boyfriend of seven years has regularly canceled his plans to join us at a last-minute event.
They have lived together for over five years and are loved by family members. He didn’t come to the casual pizza parties, he gave up the entertainment shows that my daughter had paid for, and he stopped helping us with the furniture, which made me scramble and look for someone else.
Last Christmas, he showed up, brought gifts from their car, then sat in the car and insisted that my daughter take him home.
On Thanksgiving, he called while we were eating to say he’s not coming. The causes of these numerous events? Migraine, stomach upset, colds, etc. Sometimes he apologizes.
I don’t know how to approach this with him or my daughter, or if I should just ignore it. He supposedly never misses work and sees his family.
Dear Frustrated: Your daughter’s friend may suffer from serious social anxiety. This may explain some of the physical symptoms he reported when he missed a commitment. He may be very introverted, and very easy to be around other people.
Unfortunately for you, I think you should go ahead as soon as you least expect to see it. He’s proven to be extremely unreliable (for whatever reason) when he’s obligated to attend. Thus, you should not rely on it, because doing so only leads to your disappointment over and over again.
You can start by asking your daughter if she can explain some of his behaviors. Sure, that’s tough for her, and you have to make sure that she is okay and able to handle her difficult partner.
Dear Amy: A “painful” speech about her sneaky boyfriend looked like an old story.
I found condemning messages on his iPad.
Claimed to have been hacked.
People need to understand something about hacking: Hackers don’t go after individuals – they attack huge corporations, banks, governments, etc.
Your comparison of his excuse to “eating the dog and my homework” was correct.
(Even though my dog once did eat my homework!)
Dear Savvy: You made an excellent point about piracy. Time and time again, when individuals claim they have been hacked, it turns out it’s a hoax. And – like herring – the claim quickly begins to rot.
You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org Or send a message to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
© 2020 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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